


Saying It Wrong

by Zig_Zag_F1



Series: You Love Him [8]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Boys Kissing, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, slight angst, some language, some sexual content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-22 03:48:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20867693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zig_Zag_F1/pseuds/Zig_Zag_F1
Summary: George tries to figure out what Alex wants out of their recent encounters.





	Saying It Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why but the song You Love Him by Brighten made me want to write things based on each line so here I am. You don't have to listen to the song though, or read the fics in order.
> 
> This is line 8, if anyone cares to know.
> 
> Not set in any particular time period. But who cares, cause it's fictional!

_"What do when [I'm] saying it_

_Then I say it over again_

_Just to see [I'm] saying it wrong_

_What do I do then?"_

By the time George got back to his hotel room after the long practice session, it was late. He found his phone where he'd left it, lying on his bed. It was unlike him to forget to bring it, but frankly, it'd been a scatterbrained kind of week. Unusual things had happened, things he didn't really know what to make of yet, and these things had been occupying more of his brain than he liked. He needed to focus, to put all of his energy into being ready to race again. Maybe it was a good thing he'd left his phone behind this morning after all.

He stripped off his gear and changed into jeans and a t-shirt, debating whether to go down to the hotel bar or try to find something else. He wasn't terribly comfortable wandering around, and he didn't have the energy to look at all the maps enough to avoid getting lost.

_Hotel bar it is then._

He grabbed his phone and headed downstairs, sliding into an empty stool at the counter and making eye contact with the bartender. "Just a beer," he said, pointing at one on tap. He wasn't in the mood for anything fancy. Over the tall glass the bartender handed to him, he checked his phone. Mountains of instagram notifications and facebook messages and snapchat alerts bombarded him, and he sighed, ignoring all of them. He was about to ignore everything altogether when he noticed a text from Alex. 

**Want to come over?**

George checked the time stamp. It was from two hours ago. By now, Alex would certainly have gone out and would be drinking or having dinner somewhere. He exhaled, not sure if what he felt was disappointment or relief. 

Maybe some of both. 

He wasn't sure when things became so muddled in his mind when he thought of Alex. Actually, no, he was very sure when it started, he just didn't know how exactly it evolved from there, evolved into...something. George wouldn't have ever considered himself a complicated person, he thought of himself as being very straightforward in fact. This whole thing was out of his depth. He needed to calm down. Go for a walk maybe. Listen to music.

He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his headphones with an annoyed huff. Of course they were all tangled up. Just like this fucking situation with Alex. A tangled up mess.

He slowly unwound them and put them into his ears, not caring that the bartender was looking at him a bit oddly. So what if he was listening to music at the bar counter? It had been a long day, jeez.

His fingers, unbidden, hesitated over the text message from Alex. What reply would be best? He really would like to see him. But then again, weren't things confusing enough? Two race weekends in a row now, they'd ended up in Alex's room, and George's heart beat faster when he let his mind run back over those moments. The first feeling of Alex's lips on his, the way he smiled, the way it felt to lie next to him, head on his shoulder, and fall asleep next to him. Without fail, though, George would wake up before sunrise, and in spite of himself, he panicked and left quickly. 

Alex acted like nothing happened, and so did he. 

Until the next weekend, when it happened again. George wasn't even drunk, and even though he could tell Alex was trying to play it off like he was, Alex wasn't either. He knew what drunk Alex looked like, and that wasn't him. But the same scene played out, George's head finding Alex's shoulder and sleep finding them both, and George running out early because he didn't know what to say in the morning. That's what he told himself anyway, but the truth was that he was afraid that if he and Alex talked in the morning, Alex would tell him _it meant nothing, it wasn't a big deal, it was just messing around._

And George didn't know what he wanted it to be, or if he wanted it to specifically be anything, but he did know that he didn't want to be _nothing_. He didn't want any of it to be _no big deal._

When it came to Alex, it wasn't _just messing around_ to George. How could it be, after all the time they'd spent together in all the years past? 

However, George didn't know what the opposite of that would be. A serious relationship? 

The thought wasn't as scary when he finally did let himself face it. He hadn't even let the word _relationship_ even enter his mind until now, terrified that when he did, it would be so awful and shocking that he would never be able to face Alex again.

But it wasn't. It wasn't terrifying. It wasn't comfortable, by any means, but George found himself turning the word over in his mind. He'd never had such a thing before...a...relationship...with someone other than a girl. And the idea sounded awful, except that it didn't when he replaced the words "someone other than a girl" with "Alex."

That was an altogether different thing. 

Before he could continue in this vein of thought, however, he stopped himself short with a sharp reminder. There was no telling what Alex thought about this, if he thought anything. 

Again the words vibrated in George's skull. _It's nothing. No big deal. Just messing around._

Jesus, Alex needed to explain himself. That was the real solution here, George finally decided. So he texted him, hands shaking just a little as he typed the words, his breath speeding up without warning.

**Sorry, left my phone in hotel this morning. I can come over later if you want.**

He figured that Alex would probably reply later, too much later, and when he did, George would pretend to be asleep, and tomorrow they wouldn't speak about it, and they'd go on not speaking about it, and that's how it would end. As if it never began.

Except, if George was honest, he didn't see how that could happen. Not speaking about it wouldn't make it disappear. It would sit, like a constant smoky haze, over both of them, all the time, no matter whether they admitted it or not. So better to talk about it at least once. Right? Or maybe not. Maybe naming it would make it too real. George was about to continue debating with himself when his phone buzzed.

**You can come over now if you want. I just got back from dinner.**

George felt like his lungs glitched for just a moment and his breath jumped a little. He texted back quickly. 

**Sure. Room number?**

He tapped his fingers on the counter nervously, foot rapping on the barstool too loudly, earning him a glare from the bartender. 

**221.**

He got up, paid his tab, ripped his headphones out of his ears, wadded them into a ball again and shoved them into his pocket. Dimly he thought about the act and wondered if he might be tangling this thing with Alex even more like he had done to his headphones just now. But he was in the elevator now, heart pounding as if he was waiting for the red lights to go out instead of waiting for the second floor sign to light up. 

He walked out the elevator quickly, but his footsteps slowed involuntarily with nervousness the closer he got to Alex's door. He had to take a deep breath before he could find it within himself to knock. But he did, and Alex opened it with a smile. 

"Hey, come in."

George nodded dumbly, stepping inside and kicking off his shoes, feeling like an absolute idiot in front of a person he'd known for years.

Alex was watching him. "Do you want a drink?" he asked.

"No thank you," George answered, putting his hands into his pockets awkwardly and then immediately taking them out. _What do I do with my hands normally? _ He couldn't remember, so he just let them hang at his sides.

But Alex was too close, and George imagined that if he stood very still, he could have heard his friend's heartbeat. He had just decided to test this when Alex got even closer, and he had hardly time to think before Alex was kissing him, and without a conscious thought, George was kissing him back, his hands suddenly finding all kinds of uses.

Alex had his hands under his shirt, resting on his sides, and to George they felt warm. He suddenly lost all thoughts of what it meant and what Alex wanted to make of this and he responded by sliding his hands under the hem of Alex's shirt and pulling it off over his head, Alex laughing as he did, and George dropped the item on the floor without even noticing, because he was too busy running his hands over the smooth muscles in Alex's back. Alex shivered.

George traced his fingers along Alex's spine gently and elicited another shiver, this one more obvious. He felt inexplicably electrified by the way Alex reacted, quickly running his hands everywhere he could reach, but avoiding Alex's hips or the waistline of his joggers. 

Alex was not so careful. He let his fingers trail down past the top of George's jeans just a little, almost accidentally, but George knew it wasn't and he felt his insides twitch in anticipation. He put his hand on the back of Alex's neck and dragged him forward, kissing him and discarding all his misgivings completely. 

There was nothing chaste about the way Alex kissed him back, he was more daring than any of the previous occasions as he pulled gently at George's lower lip with his teeth. George started to moan without meaning to, caught it, and silenced himself. But Alex kissed him again, still teasing, still nipping at his lips, and George wasn't able to catch the sound that escaped him this time. He pushed Alex backwards a little and for a second he looked confused, but George just pushed him backwards a few more steps until they reached the bed and Alex fell on it backwards as if they'd done this whole routine a thousand times. He was laughing, and his eyes were daring George to do more.

George didn't even know what he wanted to do, or where he wanted to be, or how he wanted to continue. All he knew was that he needed more of this, more of Alex. He lay down next to him and leaned over to continue kissing him, but before long, he was just lying on top of Alex, hands in his dark hair, totally lost to the world. Vaguely he was aware of Alex's hands running over his back and neck, fingernails occasionally gripping into his skin. If it hurt at all, George didn't notice, because Alex was gasping against his lips and making small noises as they made out, George trailing kisses down his neck and up next to his ears. 

After a few minutes they rolled over and Alex pushed George's shoulders to the mattress, and George didn't know when he'd lost his shirt, but he became acutely aware of it as Alex traced open-mouthed kisses and gentle teeth marks along his chest. 

When he moaned at one particular sensitive spot, Alex went over it again and again, making eye contact the entire time, dark eyes hungry. George gasped, unable to hold in the desperate sound.

Alex smiled at it and his hand reached down and suddenly he was gripping George's hard-on through his jeans and George felt so overwhelmed he didn't know what to do. It felt so good, and it was Alex, and if he was honest, he wanted this so much.

But then again, it was Alex. And they'd never gotten this far. Up until now, it had always been heavy making out, lots of touching, and each of them taking care of themselves, usually with their lips battling it out as they did. 

This time, Alex was clearly thinking about doing the work for him. And there was nothing in the world George wanted more, and at the same time, the things he had thought about earlier jolted back to him and he sat up quickly, startling Alex. 

"Hey, hey, hey. Is everything okay?" he asked immediately, hand releasing George's jeans. He put his hands on George's chest and leaned towards him, lips catching at his cheek. "Hey, what's wrong?"

George mentally shook himself off, feeling like he'd awakened too early from a happy dream. He wanted to go back into it, but the nagging thoughts wouldn't let him.

"Uhhh...just, I don't know," he stammered, standing up and trying to organize his thoughts. "It's just..."

"George? Please, you can tell me," Alex insisted, still sitting on the bed, looking up at him. 

Looking at him was too much for George. He leaned back over the bed and found Alex's lips, closing his eyes as they kissed, more gently this time. When he opened his eyes, Alex was looking into them again, worry showing clearly.

"It's okay," George said quickly, "You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't..." he closed his eyes again for a moment to think. "I just..." He opened his eyes again and looked at the boy on the bed. "Alex, I just...want to know what's going on here. What is...this? What are...we?"

Alex looked at him, searching his face, trying to read him. George hoped he could. "What do you want it to be?" He asked finally.

George shook his head, panic setting in. This wasn't what he wanted. No, no no. This was worse than the idea of just messing around. Alex was just willing for it to be whatever he wanted? He didn't like that at all, didn't want to start something with someone who didn't care what kind of thing it was to begin with. He didn't know what he wanted but he knew he didn't want Alex to change his ideal to match whatever George said right now. He looked around desperately, searching for his shirt. 

"George?" Alex asked, nervousness rising in his voice. 

George didn't answer, he just pulled on his shirt. Alex jumped off the bed and grabbed his arm. "George, I'm serious, what is it that you want?"

George looked at him, and he didn't know if the hurt showed on his face, but he thought it probably did. "So you can make it whatever I want? I don't want to do that Alex. I want us to want the same things, not for you to change your mind to please me."

Alex looked confused and pained. "No, George, I just wanted to know what you wanted, and I thought maybe we'd...want the same things."

George didn't know what to think right now and he wanted to think. He opened the door quickly and stumbled into the hall, not noticing until he was in the elevator that his shirt was on backwards. He fixed it, feeling a sense of nameless dread and anxiety settling on his shoulders. 

Maybe that wasn't what Alex meant. Maybe he should try to really, properly discuss it. It wasn't until he got to his room that he really felt terrible and started to realize that he had messed up. He shouldn't have panicked so fast. He should've heard Alex out. He really should've tried to finish the conversation.

He felt like an absolute failure as a friend and as...whatever else it was. Pacing back and forth in his room, he found himself becoming more and more agitated and he knew he could never sleep like this. He wanted to know the rest of what Alex was about to tell him. If he wasn't such an idiot, this wouldn't have been so complicated.

And so it was that after twenty minutes of frantic pacing and confused circles of thoughts fighting for control over his mind, he found himself taking another deep breath and knocking at Alex's door.

He held his breath after the knock, terrified that Alex wouldn't answer and also terrified that he would. 

It was the former. Alex opened the door and for a second they just looked at each other before Alex opened the door wide and smiled a little nervously. "Do you want to come in?"

"Yeah," George said, and he came in again, again kicking off his shoes, and again wondering what to do with his hands as he looked at Alex and Alex looked at him.

"I'm sorry," said Alex after a moment. "I didn't mean...I said it all wrong. I didn't mean it the way it came out."

"It's okay," George said, and he found that he could breathe again. "I'm sorry I ran out before...you finished talking."

Alex shrugged. "Well...sometimes I'm really bad with words."

George nodded. He, of all people, should've known that, and also should've known that Alex wasn't the type of person to be whoever George wanted him to be or anyone else for that matter.

"What I meant was...." Alex continued, biting his lip nervously, "I meant...that I wanted to know what you wanted because I was afraid maybe you wouldn't want the same thing."

"And what thing is that?" George asked, the words flying out almost too fast.

Alex twisted his hands together and looked at him carefully, as if he wasn't sure if George would explode. "I was hoping...we could maybe be more than friends. If...if you wanted."

George took a deep breath. He wasn't sure if this was what he expected or not. He didn't know if he'd even had an expectation. But he remembered all of his thoughts from earlier in the night and the comfortable feeling of the idea of _him and Alex_, _Alex and him, a relationship--_not scary, not terrifying.

He breathed out again. "I think...I'd like to try it. Start slowly, you know. Ease into it and...yeah. See what happens."

Alex was looking at him, dark eyes concerned. "Are you sure, George?" 

George didn't know exactly how sure he was, but he felt good about this, safe with the idea, safe with Alex. "Yeah. I'd like to try being more than friends, or together, or whatever you call it. I never thought I'd ever be in a..._you know_...but it's not the same with you, I guess."

Alex was coming closer to him, and George felt his heartbeat rising again, and he bridged the gap between them. Alex reached out and pulled him in, kissing him for a long, drawn out minute, and George couldn't breathe, but he didn't want to let go. 

Alex released him and kissed his jaw up until he reached his ear and then he whispered, "It's never been the same with you."

Then, as if he was afraid he'd said too much, Alex pulled back. But George caught his shoulders and just responded by kissing him again, clumsily trying to use the same dirty techniques Alex had used on him earlier, nipping at his lips, trying not to be too harsh. He could feel Alex smile against his lips and he closed his eyes.

When Alex pulled him over to the bed and pushed him down, kissing his neck again, George just gave in, eyes still closed.

While Alex sucked a purple mark on his chest, George responded by running his fingers through Alex's dark hair, pulling just a little as he tried not to moan loudly.

And this time, when Alex touched him over his jeans, teasing him and driving him crazy, George didn't stop him.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay sappy, I know, but I can't help it.
> 
> Leave a comment if you like! Thanks for reading. 
> 
> Do not copy this work, post it anywhere, or show it to anyone on any other platform and as usual: it's fictional!!


End file.
